Yeah, Someone Went There

Read this article by CBS Sports' Tim Kephart.

Read it through the last sentences.

I can't wait until Sunday.

BTW: How freaking cool is that photo?

Rhetorical speaking, of course.

Dolphins Trade For Tyler Thigpen

I really don't need to say anything about this. Matty I over at The Phinsider has written everything that needs to be said about this trade.

For one I have to say that I like Tigpen. He can fit the Phins spread and single-wing offenses.

On a different front, Ricky Williams has endorsed (sort of) Chad Henne.

That's it for now.

Though I have to say that I am more excited about this weekend's game than I was for last weeks. I see a lot in Henne's tough, fiery and yet somehow also stoic demeanor. A guy that can get the ball seventy yards down field is also a big plus.

What Can We Expect From Chad Henne?

If you have the time, watch Chad Henne dismantle the Florida Gators and outplay Time Rainbow (Tim Tebow for you Florida fans ;/ ).

With all the controversy surrounding the Dolphins young QB (much of it is insane, as the guy is going to start whether or not you like him) I have decided to set some progress bars for young Henne.

First though, what are you expecting from Chad Henne?

Over 60% passer rating? Perhaps a 60% or more completion percentage? More TDs than INTs? Big plays? Yardage galore?

Well, if you want your young QB to put up those kind of stat lines you would have passed up on a few of these guys.

That’s why you aren’t coaching though, isn’t it?

Peyton Manning

This was a bad Colts team. Midland defensive and offensive lines. Sub-average running game. Manning would blossom once some teammates were acquired.
http://www.nfl.com/players/peytonmanning/gamelogs?id=MAN515097&season=1998

Tom Brady

Tom “Not-So Terrific” First Season – One Outing
http://www.nfl.com/players/tombrady/gamelogs?id=BRA371156&season=2000

Second Season – Pay close attention to those first few games
http://www.nfl.com/players/tombrady/gamelogs?id=BRA371156&season=2001

You would have benched him, right?

Carson Palmer

Carson did not take a snap his rookie season.

Then he posted this for his second year.
http://www.nfl.com/players/carsonpalmer/gamelogs?id=PAL249055&season=2004

Drew Brees

In one outing his rookie year Drew put up solid numbers.
http://www.nfl.com/players/drewbrees/gamelogs?id=BRE229498&season=2001

Then he had a very pedestrian second year. Pay close attention to the preseason stats (for those of you that think Henne doesn’t have it because of…The Preseason?).
http://www.nfl.com/players/drewbrees/gamelogs?id=BRE229498&season=2002

Ben Roethlisberger

Big Ben came in for Tommy Maddux after an injury. This was a Steelers team that had been irrelevant the year before but who would come alive this year. Note Ben’s first four games. Not exactly incredible stat lines. By the end of the year he was as good a caretaker as a team could ask for. If you remember, he wasn’t winning games as much as not losing them.
http://www.nfl.com/players/benroethlisberger/gamelogs?id=ROE750381&season=2004

So what is it we can really expect from Chad Henne?

As Bill Parcells says, we want to see if he can bite. I will not care about INTs (so long as they aren’t arriving in droves). What I want to see is Chad Henne throwing touchdowns.

A 2 TD / 3 INT stat line for the first few games will be acceptable to me. I'll take a 1 to 2 ration. Completion percentages are not something I will care about, unless they are abysmal or spectacular. TDs and a few impressive down field throws will prove to me that he can be our guy.

Basically I want to see toughness, leadership and the ability to get the ball into the end zone.

Everything else can work itself out.

Rainy Night In Davie

The 13th quarterback since Dan Marino just went down. Chad Pennington was the best since Marino as well.

Reports are that Chad Pennington has a separated shoulder with ligament damage. He is out for the year.

I will wait for team confirmation first before I say my peace on Chad's wonderful year last year.

As of now though it looks like we're going to get a chance to see what Chad Henne can do.

Here's a link to The Phinsider's coverage of the injury. Matty runs the best Phins blog out there (even if he is too tasteful for yours truly sometimes - I kid). I'll be over there arguing with knuckleheads about Chad Henne all week long.

The Good, The Bad and The Ulgly - Atlanta Falcons

I ain't saying it should or will happen, but if the Phins play two more games like today's then it is time for Chad Henne to go under center.

First let me say that I feel like an idiot. Not one of my keys was to protect Chad Pennington from the Falcons pass rush. Well, teams that win find ways to do so and ones that lose also do the same. Oy vey, Phinisher, it is only the first week!

The Good

The Miami Defense overall looked good. They did a very solid job shutting down Michael Turner and turning him into a nonfactor. Hat tip to Philip Merling who basically made Turner his bitch today. Good, hard tackling from Phil today.

Ricky Williams looks pretty good this year. Clearly the most professional guy on the team, Williams showed up and displayed what has made him one of the most respected ball carriers in the last decade. He averaged a very consistent 5.6 ypc while Brown's 4.3 was often inconsistently achieved.

Sean Smith and Vontae Davis looked solid in their first NFL start. Will Allen did not look as solid. Davis and Smith will be very good in this league. That I'm sure.

The Bad

Yes, that was all the good there was.

Jake Long is a fucking sissy. Yeah, Jake, you played like a sissy. Not sure how you let that happen but you were overpowered like a journeyman second string lineman. You looked and played like Ike Ndukwe.

The rest of the line was inconsistent but at least did spread their legs as fast as JL did.

The secondary has problems with positioning. All day long the Dolphins secondary was running with the Falcons receivers and yet... Yet they were always on the wrong side of the pass allowing for easy possession receptions to be completed all day long.

Ronnie Brown apparently likes to dance. The man spends way too much time juking and jiving in the hole. Ronnie, you weigh 230 lbs. You have decent wheels. Take a page from Ricky and get north and south. Let your pads do the talking.

Pat White is perhaps the most interesting waste of time that took the field today. Other than over throwing Ted Ginn by ten plus yards (something that is hard to do) he killed two drives. Worse still he blocked the entry of Chad Henne into the game. Henne, listed as the emergency quarterback, should have entered the game to gain experience. Pat White looks like a tiny tike against the Falcons...

Actually, this pisses me off more than anything. When are the Dolphins going to figure out what they have in Chad Henne? Put him in. These are the times you need to put young QBs in the game. Henne should have run the last two drives. Plain and simple.

Did I mention that Jake Long looked like a virgin with a popular date at the prom? Okay.

Lastly, Chad Pennington showed us again his limitations. I love the guy. But he is not a world-beater.

Play calling. A Dolphins classic. Dan Henning is a favorite of mine but today he pitched like Jamie Moyer without his Centrum Silver. Pennington completing three in a row and looking crisp? Put Pat White in to run a goofy play. Ricky Williams consistently getting chunks of yards on the ground? Make sure Ronnie gets the ball more.

This was a game where reverses and fleaflickers should have replaced Wild Cat plays. Pro Set, Pennington to Bess. Pennington hands to Williams. Pennington hands to Williams. Screen pass to Ted Ginn. Go for a chunk with Camarillo.

That kind of shit.

In sum total: The offensive line lost the game.

The Ugly

Next week the Dolphins will have to somehow play better coverage against the best quarterback in the NFL.

Jake Long will face another great pass rusher in Dwight Freeney. The Colts secondary is also a solid one and there is no reason to believe that Pennington will have any more success.

It comes down to this, Dolphins fans. The Phins showed again an inability to maintain the running game (whether physically or via play calling). Because of this they relied on trick plays to purchase every medium sized play.

For the Dolphins to win a game everything must go right. Chad Pennington is not good enough to overcome mistakes. He must have a perfectly tuned defense keeping the other guy down and clever receivers running perfect routes. He must not be expected to get the ball down field unless the play is broken. This is a problem. Is he the best QB the Phins have right now? Yes. Is it worth looking to see if Chad Henne (fuck you Pat White fans - he is not the answer at QB) has the spit-gumption to overcome? Yes. In three games if the Phins look like they did today for each.

One bright spot to think about is the fact that the Phins did lose their first two last year. Also Ronnie Brown is a very, very, very slow starter. His biggest games come in the midweeks before he gets hurt or the line gets tired. Cynical?

Yes, and drunk. Colts is must-win territory. At least the Panthers and Bucs looked like shit pie today. There's that.

Three Keys - Atlanta Falcons

Channing Crowder must tackle a big back today. Something he's relished doing in the past.

Anyone else wake up with a particularly nice hard-on today? Not sure if it's because of the start of football or the crisp fall weather we're having in PA.

To business. Breakfast sandwiches and bloody mary(s) await me.

The three keys today are classics. Football keys. The game today will won or lost by the defense.

First Key - Stop Michael Turner

The 240 lbs of Michael Turner was top last year for YAC. Not after catch. After contact. 917 yards were gained by Michael Turner after first contact.

That's nearly as much as Ronnie Brown had contact or otherwise.

The guy is a load and when he does well the Falcons do well. Matt Ryan is a nice story but the fact is he isn't winning the Falcons' games for them. Michael Turner is.

So Channing, Akin and company... You guys got to put hats on this guy. Otherwise it will be a long day in Atlanta.

Second Key - The Safeties Must Cover Tony Gonzales

Yeremiah Bell and Gibril Wilson must show up and play like the hard-hitting safeties they can be. During the preseason the Dolphins no. 1 defensive weakness was covering the tight end and in Gonzales the Phins have the best to ever play.

Well, the best tight to play whose name isn't Mike Ditka.

In all seriousness the Dolphins could very well stop Michael Turner and then lose because of a big day by Gonzales. The Phins have done a good job of covering him in the past and they will have to do so again.

Third Key - Time Of Possession

Whether by running the ball effectively or through Pennington's tailor made "death by paper cut" style drives, the Phins must own the clock.

The longer that Roddy White and Michael Turner are off the field the better. Big plays are nice, and a Ginn reverse for a touchdown would be swell to see, but the Falcons are a team that can answer quick plays, well, quickly.

Okay, so you got this? Linebackers have to thump the shit out of their running backs. Safeties have to clean their tight end's clock. Then we have to pound and grind their defense until they capitulate.

Now, I bet even the ladies have an extra special hard-on going.

Saturday Slam - Jeff Schultz of the Atlanta Journal Constitution

This is going to be a regular feature here on The Phinisher. I've been trying to determine how much I am going to be able to blog the Phins this year and I have arrived at something like 2-3 posts a week and maybe a game day live tweet-fest. Dick jokes and insulting expressions galore. That kind of thing.

But one regular feature will be the Saturday Slam. A noble feature, which will aim at making fun of and demeaning the opposing team's fans, players, coaches or in this case, "journalists." So step on up Jeff Schultz. You wrote the bonehead prose and I have singled you out.

There’s certainly nothing wrong with Jake Long. Great left tackles are difficult to come by in the NFL, and obviously it’s an important position. But Long isn’t Ryan — and certainly neither is Miami quarterback Chad Pennington (solid but injury prone).

Here's a link to the rest of the article. Take a good long cursory glance at the nonsense and come on back for the discussion.

They guessed wrong on that one. And think about this, if Parcells had signed with the Falcons and come to the same conclusion about Ryan, he wouldn’t have drafted him here either.

Parcells not coming here was the best thing that ever happened to the Falcons.

What a fucking idiot. Does this guy seriously believe this shit? Not since Jim Jones' "Peoples Temple Agricultural Project" has there been a person this ready to drink Kool Aid. "Matty Ice" is going to be a good quarterback. That I do not deny. But to say that after one year of success that the guy is the second coming of John Unitas and a clear sign of success to come is not only foolish, it's stupid.

I wonder if Jeff Schultz has ever heard of a guy named Carson Palmer. You know, big arm, accurate passer, turned around an embarrassing franchise and brought them to playoff respectability? You know him? Yeah, and you know that the Bengals have had one winning season in the last eighteen years? You know that right? One winning season, despite the fact that Carson Palmer, playoff leading QB, was a rookie godsend to the troubled franchise. Strange. Joey Porter finds it strange too.

The other thing that makes me choke on the bile produced by Schultz's masterpiece is the notion that Matt Ryan healed not only a team, but a city. More than this though, and I just puked a little while writing this, it is the... excuse me...one minute...okay it subsided... is the notion that Arthur Blank was healed as well by the sweet boy from Boston College.

Arthur Blank, people. The man who for years turned a blind eye to Michael Vick's ever-worsening off the field issues. Arthur Blank, who still defended Vick even when the evidence of Vick's horrendous crimes against nature were stock piling faster than Bush presidency mistakes.

The final straw is the fact that this is a Falcon's fan writing the article. A team with 0 league championships and a legacy of mediocre play in an ever-mediocre division. Yeah I know the NFC South is pretty real nowadays, but I can't believe this guy had the audacity to poke fun at a marquee franchise like the Miami Dolphins. He ought to apologize to Don Shula and Larry Csonka. Hell, he ought to apologize to Tony Paige and Jim Jenson. The Dolphins #1 selection last year went to the Pro Bowl. The Falcons' did not.

Finally, there is the slander on Chad Pennington. Okay, dickhead. Let's look at some numbers.

Matt Ryan
Completions: 265
Attempts: 434
Percentage: 61.1
Yards: 3,440
Average: 7.9 ypc
Touchdowns: 16
Interceptions: 11
Sack: 17
Sack Yardage:
104
Rating: 87.7

Chad Pennington
Completions: 321
Attempts: 476
Percentage: 67.4
Yards: 3,653
Average: 7.7 ypc
Touchdowns: 19
Interceptions: 7
Sacks: 24
Sack Yardage: 121
Rating: 97.4

Everyone look those over? Good. Jeff Schultz was right. Matt Ryan and Chad Pennington are different players.

The worst part is that I like Matt Ryan and the Falcons in general. Turner is a entertaining back to watch. I even had a thing for Curtis Lofton in last year's draft and thought it good that Atlanta got him.

But in the end all I have to say is fuck you Jeff Schultz. You're an idiot. Chad Pennington for Pro Bowl, 2009.