This is going to be a regular feature here on The Phinisher. I've been trying to determine how much I am going to be able to blog the Phins this year and I have arrived at something like 2-3 posts a week and maybe a game day live tweet-fest. Dick jokes and insulting expressions galore. That kind of thing.
But one regular feature will be the Saturday Slam. A noble feature, which will aim at making fun of and demeaning the opposing team's fans, players, coaches or in this case, "journalists." So step on up Jeff Schultz. You wrote the bonehead prose and I have singled you out.
There’s certainly nothing wrong with Jake Long. Great left tackles are difficult to come by in the NFL, and obviously it’s an important position. But Long isn’t Ryan — and certainly neither is Miami quarterback Chad Pennington (solid but injury prone).
Here's a link to the rest of the article. Take a good long cursory glance at the nonsense and come on back for the discussion.
They guessed wrong on that one. And think about this, if Parcells had signed with the Falcons and come to the same conclusion about Ryan, he wouldn’t have drafted him here either.
Parcells not coming here was the best thing that ever happened to the Falcons.
What a fucking idiot. Does this guy seriously believe this shit? Not since Jim Jones' "Peoples Temple Agricultural Project" has there been a person this ready to drink Kool Aid. "Matty Ice" is going to be a good quarterback. That I do not deny. But to say that after one year of success that the guy is the second coming of John Unitas and a clear sign of success to come is not only foolish, it's stupid.
I wonder if Jeff Schultz has ever heard of a guy named Carson Palmer. You know, big arm, accurate passer, turned around an embarrassing franchise and brought them to playoff respectability? You know him? Yeah, and you know that the Bengals have had one winning season in the last eighteen years? You know that right? One winning season, despite the fact that Carson Palmer, playoff leading QB, was a rookie godsend to the troubled franchise. Strange. Joey Porter finds it strange too.
The other thing that makes me choke on the bile produced by Schultz's masterpiece is the notion that Matt Ryan healed not only a team, but a city. More than this though, and I just puked a little while writing this, it is the... excuse me...one minute...okay it subsided... is the notion that Arthur Blank was healed as well by the sweet boy from Boston College.
Arthur Blank, people. The man who for years turned a blind eye to Michael Vick's ever-worsening off the field issues. Arthur Blank, who still defended Vick even when the evidence of Vick's horrendous crimes against nature were stock piling faster than Bush presidency mistakes.
The final straw is the fact that this is a Falcon's fan writing the article. A team with 0 league championships and a legacy of mediocre play in an ever-mediocre division. Yeah I know the NFC South is pretty real nowadays, but I can't believe this guy had the audacity to poke fun at a marquee franchise like the Miami Dolphins. He ought to apologize to Don Shula and Larry Csonka. Hell, he ought to apologize to Tony Paige and Jim Jenson. The Dolphins #1 selection last year went to the Pro Bowl. The Falcons' did not.
Finally, there is the slander on Chad Pennington. Okay, dickhead. Let's look at some numbers.
Matt Ryan
Completions: 265
Attempts: 434
Percentage: 61.1
Yards: 3,440
Average: 7.9 ypc
Touchdowns: 16
Interceptions: 11
Sack: 17
Sack Yardage:
104
Rating: 87.7
Chad Pennington
Completions: 321
Attempts: 476
Percentage: 67.4
Yards: 3,653
Average: 7.7 ypc
Touchdowns: 19
Interceptions: 7
Sacks: 24
Sack Yardage: 121
Rating: 97.4
Everyone look those over? Good. Jeff Schultz was right. Matt Ryan and Chad Pennington are different players.
The worst part is that I like Matt Ryan and the Falcons in general. Turner is a entertaining back to watch. I even had a thing for Curtis Lofton in last year's draft and thought it good that Atlanta got him.
But in the end all I have to say is fuck you Jeff Schultz. You're an idiot. Chad Pennington for Pro Bowl, 2009.
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